SURPRISE!!!!!!!  Did I scare you?  I haven't done this in a while, but I would like to put some more funny quotes up.  Here we go I guess.

USA Today has come out with a new survey-apparently, three out of every four people make up 75 percent of the population.
-- Dave Letterman

We are the people our parents warned us about.
-- Jimmy Buffett

Men are like steel; both are worthless when they loose their temper.
-- Source Unknown

What if "the hokey pokey" is REALLY what it's all about?
-- Curtis Spencer

The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
-- Source Unknown

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
-- Dennis Miller

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
-- Albert Einstein

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.              (I completely agree)
-- Mark Twain

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
-- Claudette Colbert

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so.
-- Mark Twain

In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn't work very well.
-- Len Deighton                     (ouch, that was pretty harsh)

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
-- Fred Allen

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
-- Burt Bacharach

Those who cannot remember the past will spend a lot of time looking for their cars in mall parking lots.
-- Jay Trachman

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
-- Jerry M. Wright

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
-- Marion Barry

The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around in it until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go hey, I'm Vine Man.
-- Jack Handey

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
-- Robin Williams                 (lol)





Murphy's Laws (as posted in Arizona Humor)

Murphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks .
Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think

Murphy's Third Law: In any field of endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Murphy's Fourth Law: If there is a possibility that several things can go wrong, then the one that will cause the greatest damage will be the one to go wrong.

Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything absolutely can NOT go wrong, it will anyway.

Murphy's Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.

Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

Murphy's Eighth Law: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Murphy's Ninth Law: Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
-- Murphy's Law

These quotes are all from Winston Churchill.

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

Battles are won by slaughter and maneuver. The greater the general, the more he contributes in maneuver, the less he demands in slaughter.

By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

Danger - if you meet it promptly and without flinching - you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!

History is written by the victors.

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.

However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat.

I like a man who grins when he fights.

I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time-a tremendous whack.

In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.

In war, you can only be killed once, but in politics, many times.

In wartime, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.

Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it.

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.  (haha)

Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong only because he has remained silent.

War is a game that is played with a smile. If you can't smile, grin. If you can't grin, keep out of the way till you can.

We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.

We shall show mercy, but we shall not ask for it.

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

The length of this document defends it well against the risk of its being read.